Am I enough?
Don’t we all want the answer to this simple question? To know if we are enough, and therefore worthy of being loved?
This is the question that has controlled my life. The standards I set for myself are high because of this question. The condemnation I feel when I don’t reach those standards is massive because of this question.
I recently went through a breakup because I didn’t believe I was enough. I believed I couldn’t offer the things in the relationship that I needed to be able to offer, be it fun, intentionality, encouragement, etc.
I seriously can’t remember being more insecure about anything in my entire life. Not my adult life anyway. After 11 months of the most intense relationship with the Lord I have ever had (the World Race), followed by 3 months of finding out more about the way I am specifically made (CGA), I was shocked to discover how insecure I really was. I was crippled by it.
But the Lord is doing a beautiful thing in me.
He is showing me how to take the standards I have for myself and use them in a healthy way. They are not meant to be discarded, cast aside as useless. They are to be embraced to hold myself to a higher standard than others will. They give me drive to become the best, the healthiest version of myself.
My expectations are not my problem. My response to failure is the problem.
Failing to meet my own expectations should simply be viewed as an opportunity to try again. To learn, to grow, and to become better because of the mistakes.
I’m still not okay with failure in my life. Not entirely. But I’m learning, slower than I’d like, to accept it and even embrace it when it comes. To learn from it.
I am responsible for my own life. I was not given breath to sit back and see what happens. I have choices to make and vision to chase. And it was only when facing my insecurities that I realized I had chosen to be a bystander in my own life. I chose to let life happen to me.
Now I’m ready to happen to life.
I take ownership over my life, over my thoughts, and over my beliefs.
And I will choose to believe the truth, even if I don’t feel it.
Am I enough?
Yes. Yes I am.
